It is the waiting that gets to you, waiting to be somebody, somewhere. When you have lost your way and you are unsure about the new direction it gets to you. I find myself jealous of those who seem to know, but jealousy is a total waste of time. I skipped my yoga class today and my tai chi class on Memorial day. You could make use of the time by listening to birdsong. I am not even making the morning coffee or fussing about in the kitchen. Like a denial of the self, a little fasting. I am being pushed to the edge, my mind is eager to experience something. What will be the next thing? Each day is a couple of minutes longer until the fall of life when each day is shorter. I am in the shorter of the days. It happened so quickly. I stand in a corner, quietly content that I can breath. I should clean out the fridge; it is filled with partial remains that nobody really wants. I am not a Chief Executive Officer. I am nobody going nowhere. I am able to learn and to find my own way. What am I good at? I am a writer and a public speaker. This will be my goal, to get a job somewhere doing something. The situation will be turned around. I will have love and trust. I will be truthful. I will see the bright side of things in the darkest of moments. My second brain tumor will be my last one. I will recover. I will win again. Find optimism in the midst of pain. I try to live up to a high ideal. Faith is the rope that I use to pull me to path. Sonnets are a blast. I adore the 14 line of iambic pentameter. I am waiting for September when I will get my baby shots again. I will begin again there. I am kind of beginning again already. I have to learn my instruments again, the piano, the accordion, the bass, the guitar. I got the driving back. How will it feel to be in this new place. What I can do in this moment to keep walking toward what I want. It is okay if I am afraid. I can keep on heading forward anyway. In order to learn to write one must write, and to read one must read. These are things that I will continue to do. I will not wait to do them; I will carry on doing them, like taking out the garbage every day and brushing my teeth everyday. I know more than I believe that I do.